i went for a long drive today, to get away from things and to clear my head.  i actually got my cd player to work so i listened to some modest mouse and citizen cope, while looking for somewhere secluded to spend my time.  i finally came across a small trail, and after circling around looking for somewhere to park, eventually parked in a neighborhood across from it.  it was enveloped by green, trees everywhere; my perfect getaway.  so i walked along the trail, but it ended pretty abruptly and i didn’t get much of a chance to enjoy the walk.  eventually i wandered off the designated trail and explored a bit.  i found a clearing close to the path, with a little wooden bench and empty water bottles and arnold palmer’s surrounding the nearby trees.  the trees had graffiti all over their trunks, as well as scratches and dents where teenagers had attempted to leave their mark with a name.  i sat down cross-legged and took off my shoes and just looked and thought and breathed.  it was just what i needed.  i only spent about fifteen minutes there but it was the perfect place to be and i felt completely content for the first time in a while.  if i can ever find my way back again, i’ll be spending a lot of time there.  some time i’ll bring a friend so we can explore further into the woods.  i was too intimidated to go very far by myself.  it was a wonderful thing though.

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i just need one thing to become dependent on after another.  if it’s not a person, it’s something else.  if it’s not that, i’ll pick up some new disgusting habit.  

dependency is taking over my life.  i’ve become overwhelmed by psychological addiction.